behold a lady.

Ya dig?

Great Odin's Raven!

What it beeeee like?!

(^_^)

Sorry About That WHAAMMMYY

So um. Yeah. I'm bored as shit at 3:04 a.m. Wednesday morning, and tired of seeing this same blog post of Khloe's since forever ago. So I'm updating the shit. It has nothing to do with anything, and I have no idea what to talk about. But um yeah. Here's a picture of me....

YOUL.

actions outweigh intentions.

So, I have a lot to speak on, but I'm not quite in a 'blogging' mood.
Anyway, I fell back into my 'artsy' stage today.
I woke up and (after texting) started running around the house, trying to find art supplies.
This back room has been RUINED.
There's sharpies, markers, crayons, colored pencils, hot glue, paper EVERYWHERE. Such disarray. Mm.
Anyway, I drew 'something' this morning/afternoon.


That's what I drew. You can't really see any of the details, but my 'inspiration' was the girl from Atlantis. And it's not great, nor is it completed. (And I'm not satisfied) As soon as I figure out how, I want to color it in photoshop.

(If you've never seen the movie ... )


Anyway, this summer has been kick ass so far, but I am admittedly fucking TIRED.
I realize that summer is the time where you relax & chillax with your friends, but geesh! I've never been out of the house so much!
& The days are LONG. I mean, I'll leave the house before 12pm, and come back around 8. And tomorrow, I'm going to be gone LITERALLY all day. I'm going to Lansing with Dexter and we're not gonna be back until like 6, then I'm heading over to Dino's for movie night (which isn't a bad thing because I SEVERELY miss Berry. WHOMP.)
I'm definitely not upset that I'm not in the house, but ...
I MISS BEING ABLE TO RELAX.
It feels like if I'm not ready at the drop of a hat, then I'm gonna miss out.
Boy, do I hate missing out.

And today, I finally broke down to my mom about my issues with my dad.
I told her how he claimed that I made up everything.
And apparently, he told her that I said I hated him!
What??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?
[gives his ass the side-eye]
Yes, because that makes hella-sense.
Whatever. Summer's here.
I'm about to live it up.
=]


*EDIT: Fuck explaining yourself to people.
Seriously, it's not worth it. They won't listen.
In the end, you're stroking someone's ego by explaining yourself.
If you deserve better, let that shit go.
I seem really negative, but it's hit that point.

jiminy cricket.

So.
:D
My life's been going well.
Went on a date with someone.
An actual date, ya dig?
It was fun (as hell) even though I personally enjoyed myself more in the McDonalds parking lot than in the theater.
[Hi Teddy!]

The end, I guess.
It is 3:12am. I'll tell you some more later.
BYE, HOES.

true affection.

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I accept that I can not have everything I want.
The end.

chasing pavements.

Should I give up or should I just keep on chasing pavements?
Even if ittttt leads nowhere?

Lol, yeah, that song is beautiful.
I sing it wherever I go. It makes me happy, as irrational as that is.
I have a LOT to talk about.... I'm just curious if I'm going to say it all.

FIRST AND FOREMOST: I am going to do a very bad thing for a very good reason.
I rarely do something that I feel is 100% morally wrong, and that I wouldn't be able to accept later.
I'm going to do SOMETHING that I'm going to have no serious regrets about, aside from it being yet another barrier to talking to my mum. Whatever, she'll be aight.

So, back to the regularly scheduled blog... On Sunday, we (meaning me, Dex and Keeler; yes Dex. I was sort of beginning to think we'd never see each other in person, but Sunday restored my "faith", I suppose.) went to the Art Festival that was Downtown. It's always fun seeing how others perceive 'art' (to me, at least). But, it was HOT. AS. FUCK. Global warming is really starting to rape my ass right about now. I felt like I was melting / gonna pass out, so we left kinda early. Then, we went to McDonalds, AND IT STARTS FUCKING STORMING/TORNADO`ING. (I know that's not a word.) Seriously, mother nature?!
I can't say anything besides how happy I am and glad that it wasn't awkward. I was afraid everyone was just going to be silent the entire time. (which we kinda were at first, ha)

Then today, I saw my friends graduate. I don't know why, but it just doesn't feel real! It doesn't feel like one of my best friends is about to move to Connecticut. It hasn't quite hit me yet that I won't have anyone to go on those fun adventures in the city with next year...geeesh. When they called Felicia and Philip, I cried. I thought I was going to be able to hold it back, but, I started clapping and the tears broke through. I miss Phil so much. I don't even feel like I was a good enough friend to him when he was here. I could've done so much more... I can't even articulate how I feel. I love you, Phil. Seriously. Heaven got a GREAT one.

After graduation, we stopped by Fuddruckers to eat. Their food seems nasty and GIANT, so I didn't eat. Although I hear their shakes are delish. Tyus was there! That's cool since I haven't seen him since when? Icebreaker?! GEEZ! He looked nice in his Dolce & Gabbana glasses and his suit. Yessir.

So, after all that, I headed over to my friend India's house, because I haven't seen her in like a week (for normal people, that probably isn't a long time, but she's like my sister). After us melting for a bit, Matty (a guy who's trying to talk to her) comes to pick us up and take us out for ice cream. He's cool, but he's no Dino! Key had me DYING laughing in the back of the car! I COULD NOT BREATHE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY WE WERE LAUGHING SO MUCH! *I feel like Kyle for being so confused. Lmao, speaking of which, we tried to convince him that his birthday was today* Juan came with us to get ice cream, and he keeps telling India how much he wants to talk to me.
& I feel like that's a LAUGH. He doesn't even KNOW me ; barely knows OF me!
Just because you know an attractive (I sound cocky. Far from it.) female doesn't mean that you MUST talk to them.
Plus, I don't quite know how to explain to him that I like someone else ... a lot more than he'll be able to understand, lol. And I'm 10 times more willing to try with that person more than I'm willing to try with someone else right now.
This shit is LONG.

:D
D:

rosemary's baby part II.

I'm probably going to regret posting this, but whatever:
"I fucking apologize that my life isn't sweet and perfect, and that I HAVE real problems. Sorry that I'm comfortable with admitting that I'm NOT comfortable being surrounded by people who's idea of a good time is getting drunk, smoking, and being sloppily drunk. Man, I'm so sorry that I can't be [bleep] and/or pretty, have the perfect [bleep], and have many many adoring fans. Sorry that I never have money to do shit because my dad openly admitted he hates me and now I live in a SINGLE-INCOME household. Sorry that my mom's been working for 30 years at the same company and that we still barely make ends meet.

Sorry that I don't LIKE being fake. If I don't fucking like someone, sorry that I don't see it as a necessity to pretend I do."

Damnnnnn, that needed to get off my chest.
It burns my britches when people catch a 'tude' with me, when I really haven't done anything.
I was friendly.
I wasn't even ANGRY at the time.
But, tis whatever, I guess.

[deep sigh]

rosemary's baby.

Viva La Vida!
Well, prom is tomorrow, and I'm not sure if I'm excited or scared.
It feels like I'm more scared than anything else.
(Btw, if you're curious, I've decided to drop both indifference and perception. I'm getting quite pessimistic about it all and I'd rather not worry about it and just have a kick-ass summer.)

So, I'm on the job hunt!
And so far, it's been reallyy ... unsuccessful.
I'm beginning to feel like I don't have any applicable skills that would be useful to ANY job.
Aside from being obnoxiously social and randomly 'fashionable'.
I guess I just grow tired of everything. I'm not patient enough for life!
It's too slowwwwww!
But, time for some deeeeeeeeep shit;

Everyone has a concept/idea that fuels their life.
Some dance, some draw, some listen to music.
For me ... as paradoxal as it may be, my "anti-death" is life.
There's so much to do, so many things to accomplish.
Life is just ... yeah.
I love mine. As much as I may complain that I hate it, I don't. Don't let me fool you.
Living is ... incapable of articulation.
There is such a profound beauty in waking up everyday.
Most people won't understand what I'm trying to say here ...
But that's ok. I don't need you to.
Life is my anti-drug. Living is my livestrong.

I T A L L M A K E S S E N S E I N T H E E N D
♥

the happening.

Ignore the last blog.
I was going through some things...
I love people!
Lmao, I sound like a psycho. Whateverrrr.
You know what I realized just now?
STEN'S CLOTHES ARE REALLY COMFY.
I'm wearing his Zoo York hoodie that I was supposed to return ye olde time ago.
He doesn't need it back. NOPE.

But, this blog is about my 'love' life. And love is in quotation marks because I don't love. (dese hoes)
But, the more I think about it ... all of these people who I like, don't like me back, or they don't act like it. But, those few people who we shared a mutual bond with ... went nowhere.
So it makes me question my priorities.
I'm not looking for 'true love' (or affection), since I'm only 16.
I'm not even looking for solace in a relationship.
But, today I 'met' someone ... he's fcking cool as shit.
Whatever. I'm gonna end up fucking it up regardless.

Again with these two people;
We shall call them Perception and Indifference.
The two ruling forces in my life ; the two ruling males in my life.
Neither competes for alpha dominance.
Both exist in semi-perfect neutrality.
Perception is always there, and even though I said I didn't want to continue anything with him, I'm questioning if that was a mistake. We both sort of lost our minds recently, and it kind of helped me see him as a person better. I never stopped 'digging' him. I just didn't want to put the weight of my psychosis on him. It's not fun dealing with YOUR problems AND the problems of another. Plus, I just didn't think he was ready to handle any of them. But, he said he was willing to put up 50% if I was willing to do the same. And I apologize, but I'd like to be happy NAO. So, hm ...

Indifference. Quirky little fellow. He's cool, too, and I've liked him for a while because of his quirks/lack of assimilation. Wait, have you ever seen one of those movies where the broad says something like 'I`m in love with you, but you only love me" ? That's what I feel like it'd be. Of course it's not love now, but if it ever got to that point, I think we'd be in that sorta sitch. Plus, I don't want to be an inhibitor to what goodness he COULD have. As much as I'd like it to work, the tides seem to be working against me. I've never been one to chase for a long time (don't have the patience) and this seems like a LOOOOOOOOOOONG chase ...

RAWF!
Mall tomorrow.
Prom Thursday.
Hotel Thursday/Friday.
Party Saturday.
We should chill.

Also, I don't want to be the 'fat friend' this summer, so I started working out.
=]
My 'stats' so far are:
5'0 feet tall.
129 lbs.
No booty. =[

♥

Sooooo, I'm overscheduled.
And disappointed.
And I'm working on a very short fuse these days.
Everyone keeps ... BLAH.
I HATE PEOPLE.
That's the mood I've been in for a few days.
Doesn't anyone know how to do a formal invitation?
Or at least a 'Wanna come with us to...'?
Not: YOU'RE COMING WITH US HERE OR
'IS U ROLLIN' WHEN I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE PLACE.
I'm tired of hearing about shit through word of mouth!
I'm also really tired of everyone disappointing me.
I'm not even GONNA get into that.
NOPE.
I need to do something with my life. I'm at this point where I'm really frustrated beyond belief.
Fuck everyone! =]

♥